I believe generally, I am a realist. Not really pessimistic, often optimistic, but always with a large dose of checkpoints on life, to make sure we are on track. My favorite quote was on a flight where I watched Letters to Juliet, and Claire expresses her view that really, "Life IS the messy bits." I generally agree.
Today I find myself continuing to be upset, completely, reasonably, hysterically upset over the senseless loss of 15 year old Laura, a teenager from our neighborhood that I did not know. National Post story
We live in a neighborhood filled with schools and churches, temples and recreation centres. Our neighborhood is full of homes filled with love, and children in every block. We live where we should feel safe.
There was simply no reason that anyone, walking across a well used path in the middle of the day, across a soccer pitch, between two schools and beside a football game in progress, would have any sense they were about to be viciously, irrecovably attacked, and that in the morning, their family would bear the unbearable loss of their child, taken brutally and for no reason. No matter what your belief system, we cannot ever believe that violence of any nature is anything other than reprehensible behaviour.
For most of us, today has been a busy day as the rest of us move on with our busy lives. Work to attend to, chores to absorb us, learning, working, and whatever else may come up, but not for this family. For this family, they have so much still go to through, and "normal" does not ever return. I know. As do many of you, who each have your own stories of loss.
I tried to find joy today. Meeting with clients who are very happy with the fantastic progress being made as they prepare for 3,000 conference delegates to descend this weekend. In seeing an instructor whose graduating class I spoke to last week who told me what a positive impact my 30 minutes of sharing my experiences in this industry made on their students. In stopping at Mink chocolates and investing in some delicious bars to share with my work colleagues, something I know will bring them pleasure, both in the receiving and in the eating. In thinking about an amazing weekend with my cousin, cooking, sharing and flying home and watching Babies, an astounding story of four babies in four parts of the world, and how each will have their own unique experience, and never passing judgement, showing how we can all find joy, laughter and love in our own place.
Still though I know I will go home this evening and talk with my children before they return to school tomorrow, where they will have a moment of silence and "age appropriate" discussions and counselling in their elementary school classrooms, where Laura was once a promising french immersion student also. How can I explain to them how important they are to us and how we would do anything, ANYTHING to keep them safe in the world. That they should not be afraid to walk across a field to schoold but they have to be always be cautious, and never be alone. That it will never be an option for them to go alone.
I tried to feel joy as the rain fell gently on my skin, and I could FEEL it gently washing away the vagaries of the day, but not enough to heal. Not yet.